chimpanzees are terrifying but if we teach them language they can be even scarier!
“…Sara was, and is, the love of my life. There are different kinds of favourites. You have your miserable favourites and your happy favourites. I can’t pick just one…”
she wears short skirts i wear tshirts she wears high heels and i wear my naruto headband
Stan: Rules for my car
Stan: No food
Stan: I pick the music
Stan: You must put on this mask
Stan: Feet of the dash [glares at Howie]
Stan: Here take this gun
Benmont: What for?
Stan: We’re robbing a bank
Benmont: Oh okay…wait what?!?!
Stan: [looks back at Ron] Don’t be a pussy.
*later when Mike and Tom get home after doing whatever*
Tom: So, what’d you guys get up to today?
Stan: Oh, you know, nothing interesting. Isn’t that right guys? (glares at Ron)
Ron: Yeah, we totally didn’t rob– (Howie puts his hand over Ron’s mouth)
Mike: Did he say rob? (turns on TV to reveal news security footage of the band robbing a bank)
Benmont: Okay, you got us.
Tom: [shakes his head] I should’ve known better than to leave you four idiots alone. You were right Mike we should have gotten a babysitter.
Mike: I told you so. [Looks back over to the TV] why do one of you have my guitar for?
Ron: um…
Stan: [glares at Ron like you better fucking not]
Ron: What guitar?
Tom: [whispering to Mike] It’s gonna be a long night before we get any answers out of them.
Stan: Rules for my car
Stan: No food
Stan: I pick the music
Stan: You must put on this mask
Stan: Feet of the dash [glares at Howie]
Stan: Here take this gun
Benmont: What for?
Stan: We’re robbing a bank
Benmont: Oh okay…wait what?!?!
Stan: [looks back at Ron] Don’t be a pussy.
*later when Mike and Tom get home after doing whatever*
Tom: So, what’d you guys get up to today?
Stan: Oh, you know, nothing interesting. Isn’t that right guys? (glares at Ron)
Ron: Yeah, we totally didn’t rob– (Howie puts his hand over Ron’s mouth)
Mike: Did he say rob? (turns on TV to reveal news security footage of the band robbing a bank)
Benmont: Okay, you got us.
do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust
your fave is problematic: yourself
Basically, yeah. That’s kind of the point – you always have to look back on yourself and be mortified and resolve to be better.
Shit, the stuff I said just five YEARS ago (and I’m almost 33) makes me cringe like a motherfucker.
Burn in mortification. Rise from the ashes and be better. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.
This is why purity culture doesn’t work!!! We’re all shit! We can all grow and do better!
I threw a dog on the ground today 😭😭😭
I am embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.
…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?
you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse
some friends of mine have the most un-cat-ish cat i have ever met
my quintessential example of this:
i was holding him in my arms petting him while we were picking out what games to play that night. when we’d decided on a few, i needed to put the cat down in order to, you know, carry boxes. so i started letting him down, expecting that he’d eventually do the cat hop thing… but he never did.
i ended up lowering him all the way to the floor. and even then he never got his feet under him. i just sort of… plopped him down on his side as he stared up at me like a betrayed sack of flour.
I saw this so clearly in my mind and I’m never going to stop laughing at betrayed sack of flour.
reblogging for betrayed sack of flour.
Southerner: oh man, there’s snow!1!! Guess we better uh… Not do a driving! *Drives 10 mph while sobbing*
Northerner: *driving a stick shift 80 mph in slick iced roads while eating a full cheese plate and blaring led zeppelins’ “immigrant song”*
I’m Californian and I have the balls to do this.
californian found dead wearing a murrsuit in a 2003 honda civic after encountering black ice for the first time and careening off of I-95
